Platinum anniversary: 70 years married, official messages and a gentle celebration

Anyone married for seventy years has usually passed ninety. Their children are around seventy themselves, and the grandchildren often take on part of the organising. In Britain it has had a public face since 2017, when Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip became the first British royal couple to reach it.

This guide explains the name, sets out country by country who sends official congratulations and how to ask, sketches an afternoon at a very old couple's pace, and offers wishes, gift ideas and the special cases. Every other anniversary is in the list of wedding anniversary names by year.

Platinum is one of the rarest precious metals, denser than gold and harder-wearing, and it barely tarnishes. The name borrows exactly those qualities. Seventy years also takes luck: both partners had to stay well and live long, which is why many families treat the day as a gift rather than an achievement.

The name follows the same pattern as the royal jubilees, where platinum marks seventy years on the throne. The British reference lists give platinum for the seventieth wedding anniversary, UK government guidance on the King's messages uses the name, and when Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip reached seventy years of marriage on 20 November 2017, the Royal Mint struck a limited run of gold sovereigns on the day itself. Some older American lists skip the seventieth altogether, but where it is named in the US, it is platinum too.

German-speaking families call the seventieth the Gnadenhochzeit, the wedding of grace, which says the same thing more directly: seventy years together cannot be earned. Confusingly, some German lists use platinum for the 55th, so a card from German relatives about a platinum wedding may not mean this one.

In the run of late anniversaries, platinum follows the 67th, which has no English name, and comes before the 75th, which few couples live to see.

At seventy, official congratulations are available in the UK, the US, Canada and Australia, and in every case they have to be requested. None of them is sent automatically.

A few practical points. The marriage certificate is the document most likely to be missing, especially if the couple married abroad. For weddings in England or Wales, UK government guidance says to call the General Register Office about eight weeks before the anniversary if there is no certificate; Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own processes. If the date slips past, the UK and Australian schemes allow belated requests for up to six months. And if the couple would rather not have the attention, simply don't apply.

Catholic couples can also order an Apostolic Blessing on parchment from the Vatican's Office of Papal Charities, which issues them for the seventieth among other anniversaries. It is ordered online, takes about a month to arrive by courier, and the proceeds go to the Pope's charitable work.

A couple in their nineties do not party until midnight. What works is an afternoon with a clear shape that ends in good time; better an hour too early than an hour too late. A possible running order, easy to adapt to how they feel on the day:

1. 2.30 pm: the closest family arrive, after the couple's midday rest. No speeches yet, just arriving.
2. 3.00 pm: a short blessing or a few words of thanksgiving, twenty minutes at most, if the couple want one. A minister, a priest or the care home chaplain may be willing to come to the house.
3. 3.20 pm: the family photograph, while everyone is fresh.
4. 3.30 pm: tea and cake. The couple stay seated and the guests come to them, not the other way round.
5. 4.15 pm: the cards are opened and read aloud, the one from the King or the President first if it has come. A single short toast belongs here; the guide to toast etiquette covers who raises the glass and how.
6. 5.00 pm: guests say goodbye before the couple tire. A plate of cake and the cards stay behind for the evening.

The organising usually falls to the children, who may be around seventy themselves. Hand tasks down a generation: one grandchild takes the invitations and the official applications, another the cake, another the lifts for guests who no longer drive.

If the couple live in a care home, the same running order works in a smaller form, agreed with the staff. What to settle in advance, from the room to meal times and medication, is covered in the guide to the 67th anniversary.

A card for a seventieth needs no grand words. Gratitude, respect and one concrete wish for the time ahead are enough. How to structure a card is explained in what to write in a wedding card. These wishes are original and free to use:

• From the children: "Dear Mum and Dad, seventy years of standing by each other, through everything those years brought. We are proud to be your children and grateful for every day we still have with you."
• From the grandchildren: "Grandma and Grandpa, whenever any of us wants to know what lasting love looks like, we don't have to look far. Happy platinum anniversary, with all our love."
• From the great-grandchildren, drawn and dictated: "You have been married for seventy years. That is longer than anybody. We love you!"
• From the church or the neighbours, formal: "Warmest congratulations on your platinum wedding anniversary. Seventy years together is a gift we are glad to share in. May God bless you both with many peaceful days."
• Formal, without religion: "Seventy years side by side. There is no word big enough for it, only admiration. Every good wish to you both."
• For a notice in the local paper: "Congratulations on your platinum wedding anniversary, with love and gratitude from your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren."
• From one partner to the other, perhaps read out by a grandchild: "Seventy years, and yours is still the hand I want to hold. Thank you for staying."

Write large, and expect the card to be read aloud. More wording for every kind of anniversary is in the collection of anniversary wishes.

Gifts that suit seventy years

After seven decades nothing is missing from the household, which has often been downsized already. Good gifts show what those years have produced:

• Up to about $30 / £25: a bunch of white flowers, a candle with their names and the date, a cake from the old family recipe.
• About $30 to $150 / £25 to £120: a family tree of all their descendants, printed large and legible, which for a couple with great-grandchildren is an astonishing picture; a calendar for the coming year filled with big family photos, which gets looked at every day.
• From the whole family: a calm portrait of the two of them by a photographer who comes to the house, or an accompanied lunch at their old favourite restaurant with transport arranged.

Platinum jewellery is the literal answer and rarely the right one at this age. If a keepsake is wanted, their wedding photograph in a simple frame beside a new one of the two of them does the job without anyone having to wear it.

Special cases

• Only one of them is still alive. Official messages are for married couples, so there is no platinum anniversary in the formal sense. The date still matters to the widowed partner: a visit, a phone call or an hour with old photographs that day is a gesture that lands.
• The couple want no fuss. Don't apply for the official messages, and keep the day to a family visit. That isn't a loss; it is consideration.
• Health gets in the way. The celebration can be postponed or shrunk to half an hour at the bedside. A card from the King or the President means just as much a week later.
• The local paper gets in touch. Coverage can be a pleasure or an intrusion. The decision belongs to the couple, and the family protects it if necessary.

Anyone who organised messages for the 65th anniversary already knows the route: in the UK, Canada and Australia the same offices handle the seventieth.