67th wedding anniversary: marking 67 (or 67½) years of marriage

Anyone who married at twenty-two is eighty-nine at their 67th anniversary. Their children are often retired themselves, and it is usually they who organise the day. So this anniversary is less a party than a visit: a few well-prepared hours that work for everyone, above all the couple.

This guide is honest about the name, explains the German half-year custom, sets out which official messages apply and covers celebrating in very old age, with wishes, gifts and the awkward cases. The anniversaries on either side are in the list of wedding anniversary names by year.

The older English-language lists, British and American alike, name only a handful of the late anniversaries: diamond at sixty, blue sapphire for the 65th in the British list, platinum at seventy, diamond again at seventy-five. The years in between are blank. A material offered for the 67th was filled in to complete a table, not taken from a tradition.

The half year does have a story, but it is German rather than English. In German-speaking countries, 67½ years of marriage is called the Steinerne Hochzeit, the stone wedding, one of two half-year anniversaries in the German calendar alongside the parsley wedding at 12½. Even there the count is not fixed: most lists give 67½ years, some put the stone wedding at the 67th anniversary, and some leave it out.

So which date counts? Two are defensible:

• The 67th anniversary itself, the date nobody can argue with.
• 67 years and six months, if the family likes the German custom or wants a gathering in another season. Add six months to the 67th anniversary: a couple married on 12 May celebrate on 12 November. For weddings on the 29th, 30th or 31st, take the last day of the target month.

If in doubt, ask the couple. Plenty of people in their late eighties find half-anniversaries faintly silly.

Because it is not a round number, the 67th falls between the dates of several official schemes. Where it does qualify, the message has to be requested; none of these arrive automatically.

Nobody has to ask for any of this. But the 67th is a good moment to make the 70th easy. The UK and Australian schemes ask for proof of the marriage, and certificates get lost. In the UK, government guidance says that anyone without one who married in England or Wales should call the General Register Office about eight weeks before the anniversary; Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own processes.

With a couple of this age, how they feel on the day decides everything, not the plan. Good preparation mostly means keeping the plan small and flexible:

1. Ask the couple first. Do they want to celebrate at all, and with whom? Which time of day is good for them? Some are brightest late in the morning, others after an afternoon rest.
2. Two to three hours is plenty. Afternoon tea in Britain, Ireland and Australia, a lunch or an early open house in North America: each has an obvious start and end.
3. Fewer guests, in waves. The children come first, grandchildren and great-grandchildren an hour later, so the noise stays bearable.
4. Think about hearing and eyesight. A round or small table beats a long one, and background music goes off while people are talking. Anyone making a speech keeps it short, slow and close to the couple.
5. Food that takes no effort. Soft cake, small pieces, drinks in cups that are easy to hold. Care staff or the couple's doctor will know about special diets, swallowing difficulties or diabetes; ask beforehand.
6. Take the photo early. The family picture happens in the first half hour, while everyone is fresh.
7. Have a plan B. If one of them is having a bad day, the party becomes a short visit in a small group, and relatives further away join by video call.

If the couple live in a care home

If the couple live in a care home, assisted living or residential aged care, or only one of them does, talk to the manager of their unit two to four weeks ahead. Settle whether a lounge can be booked for a couple of hours, when meals, medication and rest times fall, whether you can bring cake and drinks, and whether residents close to the couple should be invited. Staff often know the couple's good times of day better than the family.

Cards for people around ninety follow a practical rule: large handwriting, a dark pen, short sentences. Many are read aloud. The structure of a card is covered in what to write in a wedding card; the wishes below are original and free to use:

• From the children: "Dear Mum and Dad, sixty-seven years. We have never known anything but the two of you together, and we know how lucky that makes us. Thank you for the ground we stand on. We're with you today, and so happy for you."
• From the grandchildren: "Grandma and Grandpa, sixty-seven years, and you still save each other the last biscuit. Happy anniversary from all of us."
• From the great-grandchildren, with help: "For Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa: we drew your wedding day the way we think it looked. We love you very much."
• From neighbours, formal: "Warmest congratulations on your 67th wedding anniversary. So many years side by side is something to admire. We wish you both good health and peaceful, happy days."
• From old friends: "We've danced with you, moved house with you, argued with you and laughed with you, and you always turned up as a pair. Here's to you both."
• For a card from the care home staff: "Sixty-seven years together is a story nobody could make up. With very best wishes from everyone on the team."

A card becomes personal when it mentions something only this family knows: the house they built, the garden, the Sunday lunches. In North America, "Mom" and "cookie" do the same job as "Mum" and "biscuit". More wording for every kind of anniversary is in the collection of anniversary wishes.

Gifts that take up no space

After nearly seventy years of marriage the household is complete and often already downsized. A good gift takes up no room, can be used up, or gives time:

• Almost free: a smooth pebble painted by the great-grandchildren with the wedding date on it, small enough for a bedside table, plus the couple's favourite cake.
• Up to about $50 / £40: a shallow bowl of succulents for the windowsill that needs almost no care; flowers in a heavy jug that won't tip over.
• About $50 to $150 / £40 to £120: a photo book with a few large pictures and easy-to-read captions; a digital photo frame the family can fill from afar, if there is wifi where the couple live.
• Bigger: a photographer who comes to the house or the home for a calm portrait of the two of them; an accompanied outing with transport to a place from their shared story, such as the church where they married, if it is step-free.

The most valuable present is often a regular monthly visit, promised in a card and then kept.

Special cases

• One lives in a care home, the other at home. Celebrate where the less mobile partner is, and arrange transport for the other so they don't have to travel alone.
• One of them has dementia. Familiar things work better than new ones: known faces, old photos, a song from their youth. "Do you remember?" puts people on the spot; telling stories without testing takes the pressure off. Let guests know beforehand how things are.
• The couple want no fuss. Then it is calls, cards and one visit. Nobody at ninety should have to sit through a party they didn't ask for.
• One partner has died. The date still belongs to the one who remains. A visit, some flowers, a sentence such as "It would have been sixty-seven years today" shows that you remembered.