When should we send our save-the-dates?

The save-the-date is the only piece of stationery whose purpose is purely about timing. It says nothing about the running order, the dress code or the menu — it claims a weekend in your guests' calendars before somebody else claims it.

That gives it its own rules: a different lead time from the invitation, a different set of recipients and a very short text. Blur the two and you either send an invitation far too early or a date announcement far too late.

The job is narrow: get the date into the calendar before vacations, family events and training courses fill it. Everything else can wait. A save-the-date that explains the running order, the parking and your gift preferences is no longer a date announcement — it is an invitation with information missing.

Hence the short form. Four pieces of information are enough: both names, the date, the town or region, and one line saying that a full invitation will follow. There is no need for a start time, and certainly not for a schedule — both will still change over the coming months.

The second purpose is quieter: a save-the-date buys you time. Once the date is with your guests, you can take several months over the venue, the stationery and the running order without anybody asking how it is going.

Not every wedding needs one. If all your guests live locally, the party is small and everyone heard about the engagement by phone anyway, saying it out loud is entirely sufficient — the card adds nothing but cost. A save-the-date earns its place as soon as people have to travel, book a room or request leave for you.

And it has a limit that is easy to overlook: whatever is printed on it is settled. A date is very hard to move afterwards without half your guests having the wrong one written down. Send them once the date and the venue are contractually booked, not when they are "as good as certain".

Lead time depends on how much your guests have to organise in order to come.

What matters is not the average guest but the most demanding quarter of your list. If twenty per cent of your guests have to fly, the lead time follows those twenty per cent — for everyone else an early announcement does no harm, while for them it decides between coming and declining.

A save-the-date sent more than twelve months ahead rarely helps: most people's calendars do not reach that far and the card gets lost. Below three months it stops being worth it — send the invitation instead.

This is where the most expensive mistake in the whole subject sits: anyone who receives a save-the-date must later receive an invitation. A date announcement without an invitation is a disinvitation, and it will be read that way.

Send save-the-dates only to the circle you are certain about — family, closest friends, your wedding party. Anyone on the maybe list, because the venue might turn out smaller, gets no save-the-date and an invitation later.

Two practical consequences. First, your guest list does not need to be complete when the save-the-dates go out, only its certain core. Second, write down who received one. That list becomes the checklist at the envelope stage: nobody on it may be missing.

Guests who are invited without a partner deserve an extra thought. If you intend to give someone a plus-one, do not announce it on the save-the-date. That decision belongs with the final headcount, and what is printed on a date announcement is hard to take back.

The same goes for children. Writing "and family" on the save-the-date settles the question before the venue has confirmed how many seats there are. Address the card to the people you are sure about and settle the rest with the invitation. And when in doubt, do not send one at all: an invitation eight weeks out surprises nobody, whereas an invitation that never follows a save-the-date does.

The text is short enough to show in full. Four versions that differ only in tone:

• Classic: "Save the date. Anna Berger and Jonas Keller are getting married on Saturday, 11 September 2027, in Bath. A formal invitation will follow."
• Short and modern: "Save the date — 12.09.2027, Bath. Anna & Jonas. Details to follow."
• Personal: "We said yes. We're celebrating on 11 September 2027 in Bath and would love you to be there. The invitation follows later this year."
• With travel note: "Anna and Jonas are getting married on 11 September 2027 in Mallorca. Please hold the weekend of 10–13 September — flight and hotel details will come with the invitation in the spring."

Two details are always worth including: write the year out, because with a long lead time people genuinely do get it wrong, and for destination weddings name the whole weekend rather than the wedding day alone. Otherwise guests book a return flight for the morning after the party.

Keep the language plain. A save-the-date is read in about four seconds, usually standing up with post in one hand, and anything that needs a second reading has already failed at its one job.

Fridge magnet. The practical winner: it ends up somewhere it will be seen for months. It costs more than a plain card, but it saves you a reminder later.

Postcard. Cheap, quick to print and friendly to postage because it stays small and flat. For the four lines a save-the-date needs, it is entirely sufficient.

Folded card. Usually more than the job requires. If you want to spend that effort, spend it on the invitation, where it will be noticed.

Digital. Sensible when the date is settled at short notice or your guests are spread across several countries. The drawback is the same as with any message: it disappears down a thread. If you announce digitally, put the date somewhere fixed as well — a wedding website exists for exactly that, so guests can find the date months later instead of scrolling for it.

On sizes: a standard postcard is small, flat and cheap to post, while an A5 or 5x7 inch card gives the design more room and still posts as a letter in most cases. Magnets are thicker and travel in an envelope, which costs more — negligible for the small, certain circle a save-the-date goes to, but noticeable at two hundred.

Mixing is allowed and often the best answer: magnets for family and anyone travelling, a digital announcement for everyone else. All that matters is that both groups receive the same four pieces of information.