Coral anniversary: what the 35th wedding anniversary means and how to mark it

Couples who married in their late twenties are in their early sixties by their 35th anniversary, often with grown-up children, perhaps grandchildren, and sometimes parents who need care. Nobody expects a large party at thirty-five, which leaves room to do exactly what suits the two of them.

This guide explains both names and why coral has become a tricky gift, suggests ways to celebrate, offers wishes to adapt and gift ideas by budget, and covers the less usual cases. The names of every other year are in wedding anniversary names by year.

On the traditional lists in both Britain and the US, the 35th is coral. The modern American list, which swapped many of the old materials for objects or gemstones in the twentieth century, gives jade instead; Emily Post's table shows coral as the classic choice and jade as the modern one. Someone looking up a coral anniversary and someone looking up a jade anniversary are therefore asking about the same year.

The coral used in jewellery is mostly precious coral: the hard red, pink or orange skeleton of small branching sea animals of the genus Corallium, found mainly in the Mediterranean and in deeper waters of the western Pacific around Japan and Taiwan. It is not the coral that builds tropical reefs. It grows slowly, which gives the obvious image for thirty-five years: something that builds up a fraction at a time until it is solid and full of colour.

Jade is really two different minerals that look alike, nephrite and jadeite. Both are best known in green, and green for growth and calm is the usual reading at thirty-five, although that is a modern interpretation rather than a documented tradition.

Readers who know the German custom may look for linen here, since German-speaking countries call the 35th the linen wedding. In the English lists linen belongs to the early years: the fourth or the twelfth anniversary depending on the version, and the eighth on the modern American list.

Couples who married in 1991 reach their 35th in 2026. Official greetings at thirty-five are rare. In Canada, the Prime Minister's certificates come every five years from the 25th, so a 35th qualifies, requested at least six weeks ahead and for Canadian citizens only, and British Columbia's Premier also sends greetings. The schemes in the US, the UK and Australia start later. Catholic couples can request a papal blessing parchment for the 35th from the Vatican's Office of Papal Charities.

Nobody has to celebrate, and at thirty-five nobody expects a big party. Formats that work:

• Dinner with the family: children, their partners and grandchildren around one table, at home or in a favourite restaurant. Four to six weeks' notice is plenty.
• A trip to the coast: coral points to the sea, and a long weekend on a coast the couple loves, or a return to the honeymoon destination, turns the name into a plan. Snorkelling or a glass-bottom boat over a reef suits couples who would rather see living coral than wear it.
• A signature tablecloth: a plain cloth that every guest signs with a fabric pen, adding the year they met the couple. It comes out again at every later anniversary.
• A day of looking back: the wedding album, the first-dance song, a letter to each other. It costs nothing and is often what stays.
• Renewing your vows: in a small circle or in church; renewing your wedding vows explains the options.

Coral and green make an easy colour scheme: coral-coloured ranunculus, peonies or roses, green napkins, a jade-green ribbon on the cake. That is as much theme as anyone needs. More important is one moment that makes the thirty-five years visible, such as a photograph from each decade or a short speech from one of the children. If the silver anniversary was skipped ten years ago, thirty-five is a good time for the party that never happened, and most ideas for a silver wedding anniversary transfer well.

A card for a 35th anniversary needs no long speech. The texts below are starting points; swap names and details for your own:

• From the children: "Thirty-five years: that's longer than we've been around. Thank you for a home that always had room, for our friends, our moods and later for our own children. Happy anniversary, with all our love."
• From the grandchildren: "Dear Grandma and Grandpa, we did the maths: thirty-five years is more than twelve thousand days. We'd like to spend lots more of them with you!"
• From friends: "Thirty-five years, and you're still the couple we call when something's gone wrong, and the first we tell when something's gone right. Here's to you both."
• From a brother or sister: "Thirty-five years ago I thought you were far too young. It turns out you knew exactly what you were doing. Happy coral anniversary to my favourite couple."
• Formal, from neighbours or colleagues: "Warmest congratulations on thirty-five years of marriage. We wish you both good health and many more happy years together."
• To your partner: "Thirty-five years, and you're still the best decision I ever made. Thank you for growing with me, slowly, like coral."
• Short, for a card: "Thirty-five years and still full of colour. Happy anniversary!"

More texts for partners, parents and friends are in the anniversary wishes, and the structure of a good card is explained in what to write in a wedding card.

Coral is the one traditional anniversary material that is genuinely hard to buy with a clear conscience. Intensive harvesting has badly depleted precious red coral in the shallow waters of the Mediterranean, and black coral, which is also made into jewellery, is listed in Appendix II of CITES, the convention on international trade in endangered species, so it may not be taken across borders without a permit. That matters for holiday souvenirs as much as for shops. If you want real coral, look for antique or vintage pieces, or ask the seller for a documented origin. Otherwise take the colour rather than the material: coral-coloured glass, ceramics, flowers or clothing say the same thing.

Jade has its own trap. Other green stones are sometimes sold as jade, and jade itself can be bleached and filled with resin or dyed, which the trade grades as B and C jade, as opposed to untreated A jade. Ask what the stone is and whether it has been treated; a reputable seller can answer both questions.

Three tiers as a guide; the amounts are rough ranges:

• Under about $40 or £30: coral-coloured flowers or a flowering plant, a pair of green glass tumblers, a framed map of the place where they married, a card with thirty-five memories from the family.
• About $40 to $150, or £30 to £120: a small piece of jade jewellery from a seller who states the treatment, a photo book with pictures from thirty-five years, dinner at a seafood restaurant by the water, a donation in the couple's name to a marine conservation charity.
• More, or as a group: a trip to the coast or an island, a snorkelling holiday, an antique coral piece with a documented history, a painted portrait of the couple from a favourite photograph.

Between the two of you, a small piece of jade or coral-coloured jewellery, a weekend by the sea or a letter summing up thirty-five years works as well as anything. Cash is uncommon at this anniversary; if the family wants to give something bigger, pooling into one shared present is usually the easiest route.

A 35th anniversary invitation can be a simple message, as long as it gives the date, the place and a reply-by date. An example:

"Thirty-five years married, and we would like to celebrate with the people who helped make them good. Please join us for lunch on Saturday 7 November at 1 pm at The Harbour Kitchen. Bring nothing but yourselves; if you like, write down one memory of us for our album. Please let us know by 24 October."

And the cases that do not fit the usual picture:

• The couple wants no fuss. Then a card or a phone call is enough. A surprise party against their stated wishes is not a present.
• Their own parents need care. At thirty-five years many couples are looking after elderly parents, and the most useful present can be time: an evening when someone else takes over the care. If a parent lives in a care home, the anniversary tea can be held there, so nobody misses out.
• They married late. A couple who married at fifty reaches thirty-five years in their mid-eighties. A quiet afternoon, short distances and seats for everyone then fit better than a party.
• The house is already full. Then give experiences instead of objects: a trip, a concert, a course, a day out by the sea.
• One partner has died. The day is often hard for the one who remains. A call or a visit in which the late partner is mentioned by name usually helps more than tactful silence.