Twelve and a half years married: a halfway mark without a name

A half anniversary is an odd construction, and in English it has never caught on. That is no reason to let the date pass if it means something to you: halfway to twenty-five is a real milestone, and a date with no expectations attached can be the easiest one to celebrate.

This article is honest about what exists and what does not, shows how to work out the date, explains the German and Dutch names you may hear from relatives, and suggests low-key ways to mark the halfway point, with original wishes and gifts. The named anniversaries on either side are in the list of wedding anniversary names by year.

Not in English. The traditional lists go from year twelve to year thirteen with nothing in between: silk at twelve in the US, silk and fine linen in the UK, and lace at thirteen. The American modern list gives pearls for twelve and textiles or furs for thirteen. No British, Irish, American, Canadian or Australian list has a half-year entry, and a shop selling a “12.5 year anniversary gift” has invented the category. English has half-birthdays, mostly for children, but the idea has never spread to marriages in any settled way.

In continental Europe, the halfway point does have names:

• German: the Petersilienhochzeit, literally the parsley wedding. The Duden dictionary marks the word as regional and defines it as the celebration after twelve or twelve and a half years of marriage. German Wikipedia describes a tradition in which the witnesses and friends, not the couple, organise the party. Why parsley, nobody knows; the usual guesses are an everyday herb for a marriage that has become everyday, and a plant that grows back after cutting.
• Dutch: the koperen bruiloft, the copper wedding, at twelve and a half years.

So if a German mother-in-law or a Dutch uncle mentions the date, they are not making it up. Without such a connection you are free to mark the day anyway, as long as nobody calls it a tradition.

Twelve and a half years are twelve years and six months: add six months to your wedding date and move twelve years forward. Three examples, including the edge cases:

The calculation has a practical consequence few people think of: the halfway date always falls in the opposite season to the wedding. A June wedding in Britain or North America has its halfway point in December; a December wedding in Australia has it in June, in the middle of winter. The garden party that sounds so appealing may have to move indoors.

If you had a civil and a religious ceremony on different days, count from whichever date you prefer; there is no rule to follow.

At twelve and a half years, most couples are deep in the busiest phase of life: children at school, work, perhaps ageing parents. A celebration the couple has to organise becomes one more task. That is why the German idea of friends as hosts is worth borrowing, even without the name. Some formats that suit the date:

• The potluck. A friend’s garden, a kitchen or a community room; every guest brings a dish, ideally something green, as a quiet nod to the parsley. The couple only has to turn up.
• The half surprise. Not everyone likes surprise parties. A compromise: the couple knows the date and time but not the guest list or the programme. If in doubt, ask one of them first.
• An evening for two. Friends take the children and the couple goes back to where they had their first date. At this stage of life, few gifts are worth more.
• The half-time talk. Like a team at half-time (halftime, in American English): what has gone well, and what should change in the second half? Twenty minutes and one sheet of paper, sealed in an envelope until the silver anniversary.

Children can join in easily: sowing parsley in a pot (start four to six weeks ahead, as it is slow to germinate), drawing the invitation or preparing a quiz about their parents. In winter, the potluck becomes a soup evening.

A date without a name takes humour well. The lines below are original suggestions; how to structure a card is covered in the guide on what to write in a wedding card.

• From friends, playful: “Half-time! Twelve and a half years and you are still playing on the same team. Here’s to the second half, extra time strongly encouraged.”
• For German-speaking friends: “Happy parsley wedding! May nothing ever hail on your parsley, and if it does, just sow again.” In German, having hail on your parsley means having your fun spoiled, so the pun lands.
• From the wedding party: “Twelve and a half years ago we held your rings. Today we are holding the buffet. We would do both again any time.”
• Short: “Halfway to silver and still golden. Congratulations!”
• From the children: “Dear Mum and Dad, we were not there from the start, but we think you are doing a brilliant job. Happy halfway!”
• Formal, from colleagues: “Warm congratulations on twelve and a half years of marriage, and every good wish for an equally happy second half.”
• To your partner: “Twelve and a half years, countless packed lunches, a few sleepless nights, and I would say yes again every single day.”

More gentle humour is collected in the funny wedding wishes, and more lines for partners and parents in the anniversary wishes.

For gifts, the German name and the named years on either side point in three directions: something that grows, something in silk or lace, or time.

For friends with a feel for symbolism there is the half gift: half a cake, a half bottle of champagne, a photo book with only the first half filled, and a promise that the rest follows at the silver anniversary. Prices are rough ranges.

• Nobody knows what the date is. In English that is the normal case. Write “halfway to silver” or “twelve and a half years” on the invitation; the German or Dutch name can come up in the toast.
• The couple dislikes surprises. Then no surprise. An invitation from the friends, with a date and an open programme, does the same job.
• A difficult phase. A party is the last thing that helps. A card is enough, and some couples use the halfway point quietly, for a conversation about the years ahead.
• Second marriage, blended family. You count from this wedding. Children from earlier relationships belong on the guest list and often make the best speeches.
• The date does not fit. Winter, school holidays, a new baby, a house move: the celebration can move. A fixed day matters less for an unofficial milestone than for a round one.
• Forgotten. Likely, since the date sits in no calendar. Celebrate late, or put it in the calendar now.

Along the sequence, the tin anniversary at ten is already behind you, and the crystal anniversary at fifteen comes two and a half years later.