The wood anniversary: what five years of marriage have to do with wood

Five years in, the wedding is a memory, everyday life has found its rhythm, and many couples have added a child, a house or a new job along the way. A good moment to look at what has grown, which is roughly what the name suggests.

This article explains the name, suggests celebrations that work with small children, and offers original wishes, wood gifts by budget and the awkward cases. The whole sequence is in the list of wedding anniversary names by year; the very first year has its own guide to the first wedding anniversary.

Wood is one of the few anniversaries on which the lists agree. The traditional British and American lists both give wood for the fifth year, and German-speaking countries call it the Holzhochzeit, the wood wedding. Only the American modern list, put together in the twentieth century by the jewellery trade, suggests silverware instead. Flower lists add the daisy.

The usual reading: after five years a marriage has put down roots like a young tree. It stands firm, but it is not yet so hard that it cannot be shaped; wood can still be sawn, sanded and repaired. That is an interpretation, not an inherited rule; the list itself is largely a commercial product of the early twentieth century. It still describes life at five years rather well.

• Traditional or modern. “Wood anniversary” always means the traditional list. Silverware is what an American jeweller may suggest, and nobody will mind if you ignore it.
• Touch wood or knock on wood. The superstition comes with the material. In England, Scotland and Ireland people usually say “touch wood”; in North America it is “knock on wood”. Either makes a good line for a card, as long as you use the version the couple says.
• Relatives from continental Europe. German lists agree on wood for year five, and Dutch lists give wood as one of several options, so a card from that side of the family will match.

At five years, many couples are living with one or two small children, too little sleep and a full calendar. Time, not scale, is the real question. Four formats work:

1. A family day in the woods. A walk with a picnic, a fire pit or a woodland playground. The children are busy, the theme takes care of itself, and it costs almost nothing. Walk the same trail every year and take a photo at the same spot.
2. An evening for two. Grandparents or friends take the children, and you go back to where you held the reception, or to a restaurant with a wood-fired oven. Sort the childcare first, everything else after.
3. A small party. Invite the wedding party and your closest friends to a barbecue in the garden or the park. An afternoon is far easier than an evening with children.
4. A shared project. Build something from wood together: a raised bed, a bench, a birdhouse with the children. If neither of you is handy, community workshops and adult education centres run beginners’ evenings where you make a stool or a chopping board yourself.

Some couples reach year five with something already waiting. At a wine box ceremony, a ritual that celebrants in the US and Britain offer, the couple seals a bottle of wine and a letter from each partner in a box during the ceremony. The fifth anniversary is one of the usual moments to open it, read the letters and refill the box for another five years.

It is also a good day to finally order the album; the comparison of a wedding photo album or photo book helps with the format.

Cards for a fifth anniversary usually come from a partner, parents or close friends, so the tone can be personal. The lines below are original suggestions to copy or adapt:

• To your partner: “Five years, and you are still my favourite person at the breakfast table, even now that the table is covered in crumbs.”
• From friends: “Five years married, and the two of you have grown something nobody can buy. Here’s to many more rings on the tree.”
• Short: “Five years grown, deeply rooted. Happy wood anniversary!”
• Playful: “Five years married and still smiling at each other. Touch wood it stays exactly like this.” In the US and Canada, make it “knock on wood”.
• From parents: “Five years ago we watched you make your promises. Today we can see what you have built since, and we could not be prouder.”
• Formal: “Warmest congratulations on your fifth wedding anniversary. May your marriage keep growing like a healthy tree, one ring every year.”
• From the children, dictated: “Mum and Dad have been married for five years. I have been here for three of them. They were the best ones.” Swap in Mom where that is the word at home.

For your own line, borrow the images wood provides: roots, growth rings, grain, a tree that bends in the wind. Avoid the idioms that backfire: “wooden” means stiff, and not seeing the wood for the trees (the forest, in American English) has no place in a love letter.

More choice is in the collection of anniversary wishes; how to structure a card is explained in the guide on what to write in a wedding card.

Wood can be anything from a spoon to a tree. Something that gets used beats decoration that gathers dust. Prices are rough ranges.

No garden does not rule out a tree. In the UK, the Woodland Trust lets you dedicate a tree in one of its woods for a suggested donation of about £20, with a certificate and a map; in the US, the Arbor Day Foundation’s Trees in Celebration scheme plants trees in national forests in someone’s honour. Elsewhere, ask your council or a forestry charity.

One gift only some couples can give: if your wedding included the German custom of sawing through a log, the cut slice may still be in the garage. Sanded, oiled and engraved with both names, it becomes a cake board or a door sign.

Guests at a fifth-anniversary party bring something small. Between partners, agree in advance whether you are exchanging gifts and roughly what you are spending; a joint gift, such as the bench or the tree, avoids any imbalance.

• No garden, no balcony. Go small: a board, a bowl, a frame. Or the tree stands elsewhere, dedicated in a woodland or planted in the grandparents’ garden.
• No childcare. Celebrate at home once the children are asleep: a wooden board of cheese, two candles and the wedding film. For many parents that is the most realistic evening of the year, not a fallback.
• A hard year. Illness, a lost job, a strained relationship: then the day does not have to deliver anything. A card and a walk are enough, and the date can move to a calmer weekend.
• Second marriage, blended family. You count from this wedding. The wood image fits well: each of you brought your own growth rings, and something shared is growing all the same.
• Forgotten. It happens, particularly with small children. Celebrating late is allowed, and a recurring calendar reminder stops it happening twice.